The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
