What a fucking waste of an outfit
if only i could text you this smell
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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