You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
