If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
