Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's blow job season.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
