4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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