I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize
