It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
