I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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