just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
