i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
