She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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