I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
