the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize