FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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