I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
