How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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