I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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