They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
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You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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