i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
