i was born a porn star she said
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
