soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
