Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
