we're chasing vodka with high fives
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
