Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
