Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
