Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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