Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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