my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
