I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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