i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
