I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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