and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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