the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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