okay pat passed out under dana's car
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
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We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
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We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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