Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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