I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
