he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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