bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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