What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
