I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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