I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
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