Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
