THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
i think im in europe. pls send help
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
