I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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