In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
