I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
