the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
