The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
