I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
