We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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