my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
