We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
