his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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