Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
