How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize