i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
