Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
