my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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