I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
