I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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