Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
