I haven't been this sober since birth.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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