My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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