He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
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