Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
