sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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