His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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