Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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