I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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