If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I touched a dick in church today
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
